Tuesday, October 18, 2005


- something that can be done or seen using a computer and therefore without going anywhere or talking to anyone. [Cambridge Dictionary]

Virtual, yes you are! You talk to me… every night… mobile. We chat about things… from time to time… IM. I see you… always... peripheral. I just wonder… are you real?! I’m beginning to think… you’re not… perhaps it’s true… you are virtual.

I see your messages… before I go to sleep, until I wake up, bathe, get dressed, travel and work. I remember them… yes, I do. I can narrate them in detail. But when I am with you… I just wonder… were those messages really from you… or some other person is just using your name. Was it a prank?! I’m beginning to think… it is… it’s all virtual.

I hear you talk… I see you move… I just wonder… was it really you… or just my imagination?! I’m beginning to think… it is.

You inform me of your emotions… unknowingly… and I get affected… easily… yes I do. It’s emotional blackmail, you see! I never intend to affect another person’s sentiment… moreover upset it. You become disoriented, it can be seen… straightforward. I do notice it. I do feel it. Just so, you know. I just wonder… do you intend to make me see… are those emotional blackmails on purpose… I would like to think… it’s not… for I can’t bear it… to hurt someone… to distress a person is the last thing I want to do.

I never intend to let you know… but just for tonight, just for tonight… I want you to realize… you confuse me. Are you real or virtual?

When will I know the answer… if I ever will...

I post because I am weary of being virtual myself. F.Y.I - I AM REAL!

Monday, October 17, 2005

... just what I needed.

It has been a while… as promised, when I have something good to say and I’m in the mood to share it, I will update…

Yes… something good happened! (amidst a bunch of sad stories though… hmmm.. never mind!) My high school friends and I went out last Saturday night! It was Jo’s treat since it’s her birthday… nag-KTV kami! Actually, I was the one who requested that we go on a KTV night! Ang tagal ko na kasi hindi nakakapag-concert! Hehehe! Thanks to Jo for granting my request. ^_^ I really had fun (and I just needed that)!

We met at 8pm, shared some stories while waiting for the others, had some Kodak moments at the façade of the “bar” and finally went inside the exclusive KTV room. And then the music started playing and the table was suddenly stuffed with so much food and beer bottles! But as usual, no beer for me (and mel)… just Cali and red wine (pambata… hehe)! But that’s not an issue anyway… it has always been clean fun with my High School barkada! Just being with them is really so much fun! It could have been a lot more fun if the others were also there… absent kasi sina matt, cahl, nazz, sha, at si… never mind! Haha! He was the one who ruined the friendship and the relationship anyway! Buti nga sa kanya! :P (mel, dito na lang ako gaganti! Haha!)

We stayed there until past 1am! Haha! We are really grown ups now… years ago, our cellphones would start beeping at 10pm, our moms/dads/sisters/brothers (whoever’s still awake) asking us if we’re already on our way home, or if they’re going to fetch us! Wahaha! Those were the days… I miss being pampered like a baby by my parents and my friends’ parents! ^_^ Yet, I love the freedom that I have now! What’s 1 am now?! …real fun is just beginning by then! Hehe!

Walang masyadong chismax nung gabing yun… we just sang… ate… drank… laughed… and had so much fun! We enjoyed the night! And I realized, that’s just what I needed right now… a moment of merriment with the best of my friends!

Bong was into another drama at the end of the gimmick night. Ungkatin ba naman daw ang nakaraan?!?! Well, I guess, he just had enough beer! Tinamaan ang mokong! Haha! But it was the first time that I saw Bong that way… he hugged me tight and pleaded me to convince Nadz to talk to him… about the past. Haaay, bumalik na naman ang pagka-adviser ko! Wahaha! To cut the story short, everything was resolved… and Bong’s drama didn’t ruin the fun night … oh, well, I guess nothing ever will! :D

After the KTV session, the whole gang escorted me to the hospital. :->

At the "bar" facade... ang layo ng kuha ni manong guard! hehe...

At the reception area... o diba sosyal (uhm... actually, mukha lang!)

ang mga kikays... haaay, i missed these guys talaga! (si mel, blooming, hindi halatang naghihinagpis. hihi!)

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Start the day with a blog!

I'm late... again! hihi! Nothing new with that! I reached the office at 10:30, turned on my computer, checked for new new messages in my mailbox, and now... i'm blogging! Wahaha! What a model employee I am! Hihihi!

Why am I late, you just might want to ask? (so I can defend myself and justify my tardiness! :P) Oh, well, I slept late last night. Later than the usual. Thanks to my younger sister who disturbed me the whole night. She's working on a school work, and she needed my help. Kaya ayun, hindi din niya ako pinatulog. It's ok anyway. :D Isa pa, I was really really tired last night. Hmmm... not really tired. Too preoccupied I guess that I can't get myself to sleep.

A lot of things are bugging me lately. One of them is my lola's condition. It has become worse. Today, probably, the doctors will operate on her. They're going to lacerate her throat to insert a tube that will help her breath. It pains me, just to think that my lola will undergo such process. Yet, we had no other choice. :( Uhm, actually, the doctors gave us 2 days to decide if we will let lola undergo that procedure. Most of my family members are not in favor of the procedure (including me), a few, however, wanted lola to undergo the procedure since it's the only way to prolong her life (and in effect, prolong her agony too.) Finally, we realized that we're not the ones to decide, but my lola. We explained the situation to her, her initial reaction was negative, but just last night, she finally decided that she wanted and needed the operation. We had her full approval... a few hours from now, perhaps, the doctors will perform the procedure on her. Gosh, up to now, I still can't imagine seeing my lola in that condition. But then again, we have no other choice. I can only pray that the Lord will not let my lola suffer much.

There's still something else that bugs me. But I want to reserve it for my next blog. Later na lang. Hehe. Nambitin na naman?! Hehe, lunch na kasi e. Ang post na ito ay hanggang dito na lang muna, i hafta feed myself first! :D

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

I'm worth a lot!

Nice read and i agree! sobra... (hehehe)

In a brief conversation, a man asked a woman he was pursuing the question: “What kind of man are you looking for?”
She sat quickly for a moment before looking him in the eye asking, “Do you really want to know?”

Reluctantly, he said, “Yes.”

She began to expound… “As a woman in this day and age, I am a position to ask a man what he can do for me that I can’t do for myself. I pay my own bills. I take care of my household without the help of any man… or woman for that matter. I am in the position to ask, ‘What can you bring to the table?’”
The man looked at her. Clearly he thought that she was referring to money. She quickly corrected his thought and stated, “ I am not referring to money. I need something more. I need a man who is striving for perfection in every aspect of life.” He sat back in his chair, folded his arms, and asked her to explain. She said, “I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection mentally because I need conversation and mental stimulation. I don’t need a simple minded man. I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection spiritually because I don’t need to be unequally yoked… believers mixed with unbelievers is a recipe of disaster. I need a man who is striving for perfection financially because I don’t need a financial burden. I am looking for someone who is sensitive enough to understand what I go through as a woman but string enough to keep me grounded. I am looking for someone who I can respect. In order to be submissive, I must respect him. I cannot be submissive to a man who isn’t taking care of his business. I have no problem being submissive… he just has to be worthy. God made woman to be a help mate for man, I can’t help a man if he can’t help himself.” When she finished her spill, she looked at him.
He sat there with a puzzled look on his face. He said, “You are asking a lot.”
She replied, “I’m worth a lot.”
Exactly. I agree very much with the girl. Don’t call me selfish or materialistic. I don’t want a richie rich or something.

Idealistic as it may sound, I want a man who has dreams. I need someone who has direction. I long for someone who will help me grow. I need someone who has faith!

I'm worth a lot... and I'll be more than willing to wait for the guy who deserves a value!

Wahaha! ang ganda ko?! nyork!


Hesitate and the future hesitates with you,
forever changed by that moment of indecision...

got his quote from a mushy chat with arian. (broken hearted kasi e, kaya ayun! ^_^) hehe.

The quote speaks a lot of what I’m thinking right now. I just don’t know how to put it into writing, or I guess… I don’t want to. Some things are better kept secret. :P

Wala ako kwenta mag-blog, sorry. Don’t worry when I have something good to say, hindi na ako mambibitin, sana lang I’m in the mood to blog at that time. Wehehe!

Ironic noh?! For a person so outspoken as I am, people might think that I always have the guts to say/share things, but when it comes to dealings about myself, it’s the opposite way around. I’m not comfortable sharing personal happenings with other people. Most of the time, I keep things to myself… and it works for me! So far, I haven’t turned into a psychopath or something!

Anyway, that’s it for this post. I’m really hanging… wait until I get my full composure! :D


i'm thinking about... err, i dunno what exactly am i thinking of!

i'm totally disoriented! i am distressed, confused, wandering, lethargic, annoyed... i am anything but happy!

don't ask me why... i don't know the answer. don't ask me anything... i don't know how to respond. just be silent.

grr.. i better stop blogging now.. rants are all i have and i'd rather keep them to myself.

I miss her!

put down my thoughts into writing... so here goes the first one:

i'm thinking about my lola:

two weeks ago she was rushed to the hospital because of unbearable stomach ache. that was really too odd for my lola. she hates hospitals... she would endure all the pain in her body just to avoid that place. yet, the nuisance that she felt that monday morning must have really been too much. To make things worse… a day after she was rushed to the hospital, the doctors recommended that she be moved to the Intensive Care Unit. That was really a shaking news for our family… lola was just so energetic the past few days, and now they’re rushing her to the ICU!

Today exactly marks my lola’s second week in the hospital. I really feel bad. Comparing her current condition from day 1, she didn’t get any better. I want to cry whenever I see her in her hospital bed. I want to hug her really tight. However, the doctors strictly told us not to show any sign of weakness when inside her room. But it really pains me to see her in that white bed, with all those apparatus attached to her weak body. I feel bad. I really do.

My lola is a fighter. She is a strong woman. Mataray. Suplada. Palaban. I miss seeing her that way. I miss the strong-willed woman that brought us up. I miss my lola! (T_T)

I am back!

Last post was in august?!

somehow, i'm not surprised. hehe. i'm not really into blogging or any other kind of journaling ever since. magaling lang ako sa simula, but in the middle of it, i screw up! haha... no, that's an overstatement.. in the middle of it, either i don't have the luxury of time to update, or i just get too sluggish. :P

ironically, as of now, i want to stuff this blog with everything that's been happening in my life for the past two months.. waaah, that's a lot! how will i do that?! i dunno.. but really, a lot of things are running through my mind right now.. insane moment again?! probably... nevertheless, i'd still put these thoughts into writing... oh, well, i'll try... but don't expect too much! :P